please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
