My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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