awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize