unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
