Kiss
Puke
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
