love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
