The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
