The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Say something about gay babies.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
