Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want to make out with him forever
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
