I love black thongs
I faked an abortion last night.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
