i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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