Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
