i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
