I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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