oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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