Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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