He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
