your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
