FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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