im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
