I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
