I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
