You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
