Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
