i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I look better un-naked...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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