i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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