I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
