:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
