3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
