he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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