I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
