Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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