my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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