I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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