So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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