I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
