Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
