my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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