your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
