I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
