I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
