i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
