It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
