There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
