This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
