It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
