Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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