this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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