i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
