thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
