We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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