consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
