I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
