I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
