Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
