dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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