so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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