And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize