my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
