Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
