Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
