sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
God, I missed his penis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
